happiness. it is what i always want to feel. i just don't know exactly what it is. all i know is i feel happy when i read a comic book, when i eat french fries, when i doodle on a paper, when i look at the blue, blue sky, when i wake up on a sunny day, when i watch comedy films, when i had a satisfying sleep, when i see fireworks, when people crack jokes, when i shout at the top of my lungs, when i look at my family, when i pray at the church or chapel, when i see my crush, when i know i helped someone, when i give, when i forgive, when i topped a quiz, when my patient got better, when i received something.
and now i just feel it. the unexpected, unexplainable, great feeling. no duty tomorrow. OOOOOOOHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAH!
28.7.09
26.7.09
anxiety, oohhhh, anxiety!
i just finished looking at the list of the new registered nurses of our nation. 32, 617 out of 77, 901 passed. and now all i feel is severe anxiety! hwooh!
now i have the feeling of pressure. you see, people have this certain level of expectation that you must meet. and that 'people' are your PARENTS. the ones who worked very hard for every cent of your tuition fee. the ones who believe that you will make them proud. on the other hand, some people say "okay lang bumagsak sa una. god's will." but hey, would you ever allow that? 'course not, right?
i have nine short months! now is the time to be seriously serious. from now on, time is more precious than gold.
now i have the feeling of pressure. you see, people have this certain level of expectation that you must meet. and that 'people' are your PARENTS. the ones who worked very hard for every cent of your tuition fee. the ones who believe that you will make them proud. on the other hand, some people say "okay lang bumagsak sa una. god's will." but hey, would you ever allow that? 'course not, right?
i have nine short months! now is the time to be seriously serious. from now on, time is more precious than gold.
25.7.09
unhealthy living
school was busy. many requirements to do. group meetings every after noon. barely have time to relax. or at least eat a decent food .i know how to cook. and i actually love to. but obviously, my schedule just won't allow me.
i've been a regular customer of KFC, mcdonald's and jollibee. oh yeah, july has been my fast food month. i know that too much fast food is bad. maybe the bad cholesterol in my body is already befriending my arteries so they can bind there forever and give me hypertension. and i don't want that. so since today is my free day, i decided to do the grocery and buy some healthy stuffs.
my grocery list:
- mixed vegetables
- oranges
- green leaves
- bananas
- yogurt
- milk
- wheat bread
- milk
- tofu
- fruit juice
things in my basket when i reached the counter:
- instant noodles
- canned meat sauce
- chocolate drink
- junk foods
- cookies
- 1 small pack of mixed veggies
talking about healthy living, eh? oh deymn, that is why i hate going to the grocery alone.
i've been a regular customer of KFC, mcdonald's and jollibee. oh yeah, july has been my fast food month. i know that too much fast food is bad. maybe the bad cholesterol in my body is already befriending my arteries so they can bind there forever and give me hypertension. and i don't want that. so since today is my free day, i decided to do the grocery and buy some healthy stuffs.
my grocery list:
- mixed vegetables
- oranges
- green leaves
- bananas
- yogurt
- milk
- wheat bread
- milk
- tofu
- fruit juice
things in my basket when i reached the counter:
- instant noodles
- canned meat sauce
- chocolate drink
- junk foods
- cookies
- 1 small pack of mixed veggies
talking about healthy living, eh? oh deymn, that is why i hate going to the grocery alone.
19.7.09
nothingness
26 floors above the ground... i can see the whole of metro manila. the LRT, the PGH, the small establishments, the tall buildings of Makati, my school. it's sunday and everything's at peace. no rain. thank god!
i am interpreting and working on this lab works. oh i can't think of anything. i just want to stare out the window and just look at things. the things God gave us. the innovations of men. the LRT. oh how will everyone survive without it? the PGH. a big public hospital that caters to the most indigent people of our country. they have the best nurses and doctors. the only thing it lacks is better facilities. the small establishments and tall buildings... a thousand of them but when will our economy get better?
deymn. it's been 30 minutes and i still got a blank page. crap, i have to work. i need ice cream. i'll go down to buy ice cream then work. ice cream will get my brain working. eureka! it is the only thing i need.
i am interpreting and working on this lab works. oh i can't think of anything. i just want to stare out the window and just look at things. the things God gave us. the innovations of men. the LRT. oh how will everyone survive without it? the PGH. a big public hospital that caters to the most indigent people of our country. they have the best nurses and doctors. the only thing it lacks is better facilities. the small establishments and tall buildings... a thousand of them but when will our economy get better?
deymn. it's been 30 minutes and i still got a blank page. crap, i have to work. i need ice cream. i'll go down to buy ice cream then work. ice cream will get my brain working. eureka! it is the only thing i need.
13.7.09
rainy monday
TOP TEN THINGS A COLLEGE STUDENT MUST DO WHEN THERE IS NO CLASSES ON A RAINY MONDAY.
1. upload pictures on all your accounts. your friends are killing you already.
2. watch a chick flick. happy endings can make you feel good.
3. eat popcorn while watching a chick flick. happy endings can make you feel good... and popcorn can make it even better.
4. do household chores. have you ever heard of 'CLEAN YOUR ROOM'?
5. text your friends and tell them you have no classes. it's just once in a while *evil laugh*
6. go to the mall and window shop. who knows? maybe it's rainy monday sale.
7. go to taekwondo training because you have finally decided not to quit.
8. finish the 10 remaining pages of your pocketbook that has been in your bedside table for 3 weeks already.
9. sleep like a hibernating polar bear. it's the only time you can get sleep.
10. make yourself a good lunch.
okay, obviously i have no classes. God is truly great. He gave me chance to relax a little bit. i can finally say oh yeah. gotta start doing activities on my list. ciao :)
1. upload pictures on all your accounts. your friends are killing you already.
2. watch a chick flick. happy endings can make you feel good.
3. eat popcorn while watching a chick flick. happy endings can make you feel good... and popcorn can make it even better.
4. do household chores. have you ever heard of 'CLEAN YOUR ROOM'?
5. text your friends and tell them you have no classes. it's just once in a while *evil laugh*
6. go to the mall and window shop. who knows? maybe it's rainy monday sale.
7. go to taekwondo training because you have finally decided not to quit.
8. finish the 10 remaining pages of your pocketbook that has been in your bedside table for 3 weeks already.
9. sleep like a hibernating polar bear. it's the only time you can get sleep.
10. make yourself a good lunch.
okay, obviously i have no classes. God is truly great. He gave me chance to relax a little bit. i can finally say oh yeah. gotta start doing activities on my list. ciao :)
12.7.09
oh men.
IS IT OKAY FOR A GIRL TO ASK A GUY OUT? i was reading a magazine when i came across this question. and if would be asked to answer this, it is just a big, big I DO NOT KNOW.
knowing that our country has a very conservative culture, it is more than hard for a girl to ask a guy to have a date with her. most people, especially adults, just find it aggressive. and i just cannot imagine asking "hey, do you want to have dinner?" i don't know how guys do that. because when you ask that question, you will only get one answer and it is either "yeah, i would love to." or "sorry but i cannot because (insert a thousand of reasons here)" and the feeling is just happiness or depression. girls are known to have sensitive feelings, and yeah, i admit that. so maybe it would really break our hearts if a guy would turn us down after using all our pride and courage of asking him.
likewise, it is very hard to predict a guy. most girls do not know what are the guys' thoughts. i hope there are how-to-read-a-guy's-mind-when-you-finally-decided-to-be-aggressive-towards-him courses. if a guy said yes to a date does it mean he also like you or he is just good enough not to turn you down? if a guy says no does it mean he hates you or he is just to too shy that a girl asked him out?
now i realize how hard this is for the males. maybe we, women, cannot do it because we are simply not capable of containing the feeling of rejection. oh crap! sometimes i just wanna go to that someone and ask the one million question. but i can't. i just can't.
knowing that our country has a very conservative culture, it is more than hard for a girl to ask a guy to have a date with her. most people, especially adults, just find it aggressive. and i just cannot imagine asking "hey, do you want to have dinner?" i don't know how guys do that. because when you ask that question, you will only get one answer and it is either "yeah, i would love to." or "sorry but i cannot because (insert a thousand of reasons here)" and the feeling is just happiness or depression. girls are known to have sensitive feelings, and yeah, i admit that. so maybe it would really break our hearts if a guy would turn us down after using all our pride and courage of asking him.
likewise, it is very hard to predict a guy. most girls do not know what are the guys' thoughts. i hope there are how-to-read-a-guy's-mind-when-you-finally-decided-to-be-aggressive-towards-him courses. if a guy said yes to a date does it mean he also like you or he is just good enough not to turn you down? if a guy says no does it mean he hates you or he is just to too shy that a girl asked him out?
now i realize how hard this is for the males. maybe we, women, cannot do it because we are simply not capable of containing the feeling of rejection. oh crap! sometimes i just wanna go to that someone and ask the one million question. but i can't. i just can't.
9.7.09
today...
i am satisfied.
IT IS MY LUCKY DAY!
no oral recitation plus many experiences in the emergency room. woohoo.
GOD is oh so GOOD all the time :)
8.7.09
panda eyes
one of my favorite movies is kungfu panda, when i find a person nice and cute, i call him/her a panda, i love eating hello panda. obviously, i like the creature but even though i really like them i still don't want to look like them. but hey, i'm already in the transformation phase. i can already see a dark circle on each of my eyes. and maybe, tomorrow when i wake up, i'm already a big, cuddly, fury black and white bear.
these past few days are busier than ever. i never imagined that senior life would be this oh-no-jam-packed-schedule. good thing i didn't collapse in the operating room when i scrubbed in. but yeah, my eyes were so droopy because it's such a cold, cozy place to sleep in. my mind was dreaming while my eyes were awake. end result? i was shouted at by the anesthesiologist because i handed her a clamp instead of a scissor. my ears failed me when they heard 'clamp' but the doctor actually said 'cut'. tsk, tsk.
it's really tiring to wake up at 3 30 am and sleep at 11 pm. 5 hours of sleep plus 8 hours of standing in the operating room plus school requirements? oh no, that's just like 80% superhuman, 20% student. but anyway, i'm already a senior. a senior's motto is 'never give up'... even if you already look like a panda in your graduation.
this is a future picture of me :)
these past few days are busier than ever. i never imagined that senior life would be this oh-no-jam-packed-schedule. good thing i didn't collapse in the operating room when i scrubbed in. but yeah, my eyes were so droopy because it's such a cold, cozy place to sleep in. my mind was dreaming while my eyes were awake. end result? i was shouted at by the anesthesiologist because i handed her a clamp instead of a scissor. my ears failed me when they heard 'clamp' but the doctor actually said 'cut'. tsk, tsk.
it's really tiring to wake up at 3 30 am and sleep at 11 pm. 5 hours of sleep plus 8 hours of standing in the operating room plus school requirements? oh no, that's just like 80% superhuman, 20% student. but anyway, i'm already a senior. a senior's motto is 'never give up'... even if you already look like a panda in your graduation.
this is a future picture of me :)
1.7.09
go or not go?
tae kwon do. it is one of the things i have learned to love. i remember joining our school's TKD team just because i want to be close to one of the members. i never really thought that it would be a part of me.
first, i am not an athletic person. i was actually denied by our college's basketball team. the coach says i am 'too weak'. yeah right. second, i hate hurting people. physically or mentally, i just hate it. third, i am a nursing student. i have mountains of requirements to do, many duty hours to complete and gazillion of responsibilities i must keep in mind.
actually, right at this very moment, i am thinking if i should leave the team. there are times that i just cannot handle the fatigue after two hours of kicking, shouting and sparring. but a bigger, bigger, bigger part of me says that i should not leave the team because it is where i made friends outside nursing. it is where i developed my perseverance and patience. it is where i release my stress by kicking hard and shouting loudly. it is where i found joy of the purest form.
i am really confused right now. should i go or should i stay? boy, oh boy. i hate making decisions. especially if you have to choose between two things.
first, i am not an athletic person. i was actually denied by our college's basketball team. the coach says i am 'too weak'. yeah right. second, i hate hurting people. physically or mentally, i just hate it. third, i am a nursing student. i have mountains of requirements to do, many duty hours to complete and gazillion of responsibilities i must keep in mind.
actually, right at this very moment, i am thinking if i should leave the team. there are times that i just cannot handle the fatigue after two hours of kicking, shouting and sparring. but a bigger, bigger, bigger part of me says that i should not leave the team because it is where i made friends outside nursing. it is where i developed my perseverance and patience. it is where i release my stress by kicking hard and shouting loudly. it is where i found joy of the purest form.
i am really confused right now. should i go or should i stay? boy, oh boy. i hate making decisions. especially if you have to choose between two things.
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