not my way.

i am really upset. i consider the past 7 days not bad... but disastrous! i don't know but it seems that things are not going my way this time of the month. it's not the week of friday the 13th, right? and even if it is, i don't believe that it brings bad luck.

what could be worse in finding out that your computer is busted when you have to pass a 23- page case study of a disease that is very new to you? what could be worse in being in a male ward full of soldiers that keeps on staring at you as if you're the first woman they have ever seen? what can be worse in losing someone when you least expect it? what could be worse in you being so happy because your PC has been finally revived but all the files were deleted? what could be worse in feeling that everything will get worse?

i know i am so bad that i don't see the positive side of life but for pete's sake,i feel really weak to be strong right now. like for example, being with soldiers... they are all kind and nice and all but sometimes they have this jokes and pick- up lines and stares that shiver down my spine. i have this patient which is as old as my dad and his stare still says that he has interest to the student nurses around him. the nerve! i know, i can go to him and say 'can you just stop looking at us? because it is really awkward!' but i'm just not in the mood to argue and be scolded by my clinical instructor.

i must not feel upset anymore. this week will be another 7 days. i must not live on the past. i must cheer up and fight. things will eventually go my way and get better. right, right.