a special letter

Dear Santa,

The birth of our Lord is nearly coming! In a few days time, it is already the moment for you to deliver your little presents to little eager, excited children. I know this is kinda late and probably your elves would curse me because maybe there is no time anymore to wrap my gift. But don't worry, my list is not that long. All i want for Christmas is uh... it's funny but... fine. I wish you can place a plastic of I-would-be-nice powder in my stockings hanging in our Christmas tree at home.

I badly need it because our thesis defense is like 3 days away. I plan to sprinkle some of that powder in our panel members' food so that they can feel the spirit of the yuletide season. By that, they would not give us major, crappy revisions. Our panel chair is one of the terrorists of our college and we are really anxious already.

Well, I know this is too much for me to ask but I hope you can give it earlier. Sorry Santa but I am proudly admitting that I am a desperate little child with thesis-inflicted-eye-bags. Thanks in advance. You're the greatest! :)


P.S. Sorry for the stockings, don't be surprised of the smell. I used it the other day when I had my 30-minute treadmill.

testosterone boys

are guys really unpredictable?

i guess this is one of the hardest question one would ever ask me. i could readily answer "yes, they are effing unpredictable!" but the hard part is why? seriously... WHY?! i don't get it why men act like a child having tantrums over a lollipop sometimes.

guys are fun to be with but then one second later they curse gazillion times and just get agitated like a rabid dog. i know, what an exaggerated comparison but it's 89% true. some guys shout "f*ck the world!" without reason. yeah, one of my guy friends is like that. but i still love him like my own brother. and it's just a minor thing of being unpredictable.

what's bloody confusing is how guys fall in love. the song says boys do fall in love. yeah right. funny. one day they're sweet, the second they're who-are-you-i-do-not-know-you-so-go-away. agh! i hate it. hey, i'm not bitter about love but it just confuses me so much. what am i supposed to do?

boys would always be boys and only them understands each other. yes, like a monkey understands a fellow monkey. period.

this whole vampire thing.

twilight sucked big time. it was boring and i really hated it. BIG BLOODY TIME! so when my friends asked me that we should see new moon together, i was like "i'd rather sleep than watch that boring movie!" but i was helpless, they kidnapped me and confined me inside that cold, dark movie house. i felt like crying.

well, THAT WAS BEFORE THE MOVIE STARTED. i just cannot wipe the smile away from my face when we exited the movie house. i can shout 'awwww, sweet' one thousand times after the film. and would you believe that it's not because of taylor laughtner's mouth-watering body but edward cullen's pale corpse- like look? edward is heart- melting. his sweet, deep, shakespeare-ish lines just gave me tachycradia. and when he said "marry me"? oh, you just would not believe how i giggled so loud that i can almost see people glaring at me like hungry tigers because i was such a loud- mouthed little girl.

yeah right. now i cannot admit that i'm already a member of i-love-edward-cullen club that i used to condemn.

hibernated

okay, welcome back to me. after a long, long time i am finally here. just got back from my one-week- minus-two-days sembreak. and i say, it is has been very fruitful. i slept like a hibernating polar bear. haha. right, very fruitful indeed.

i have been thinking... and guess what? it's all about love people, L-O-V-E! that butterflies-in-the-stomach thing. dr. seuss says "you know you're in love when you cannot sleep at night because reality is finally better than your dreams." and now reality is finally better than my dreams. does this mean i'm in love? if the answer is yes then i won't accept is. i am so not going to be.

i don't want to see myself smiling while texting. i don't wanna feel all so happy when someone says good morning. i don't want to doodle a name of whoever next to mine. i never want someone to hold my hand.

oh shit, and now i wanna curse myself for half- wishing all of those things are happening. i apologize... i know these are all so nonsense. love has very bad side effects. BOOM!

so damn good.

how does it feel to help the homeless by just putting things in a plastic bag? INCREDIBLE!!! like eating free oreo cheesecake :)

ondoy oy!

ondoy left us all devastated. great, just great.
lend a hand. yes, many people needs you more than you'll ever know.

up above

tatay just passed away. and now, lolo did.

it is very painful to know that in less than a month, both of my grandfathers passed away. how could my heart break again if it isn't even whole to start with? i've just recovered and now i'm back to the first phase of the five stages of grief.

i say, spend your time with your loved ones as much as you can. tell them you love them before it is too late. make good memories and laugh hard. say sorry for all the things you never meant to do unto them... because our lives don't belong to anyone but God.

when i look at the heavens, i can almost see both my grandfathers happy, free of pain and finally at peace.
Tatay and Lolo, I love both of you very much... FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

boiling point

have you ever felt so little that you can almost befriend the ants? have you ever experienced being snobbed after being all so nice? have you ever smiled like a dog just to please a person? have you ever met a poker faced creature? have you ever spent 8 hours with a person like that? have you ever felt like sticking a syringe needle to her face because she is just so mean and morose? have you ever reached your boiling point?

if i would be asked those questions i would answer a big freaking YES! yes, i did. and i am so agitated. why are there people who just don't know how to be nice? grr. like she is carrying the whole world in her shoulders. i just wanna give her a tutorial CD of 'how to be nice to other people and how to smile at them because they are so helpful and how to be a good example to the younger ones and how to be humble for dummies.' oh, i can still feel the annoyance.

excuse me, i have to do deep breathing or else i don't know what will happen next.

refrigerated pasta

i was too lazy to get out of bed. i just feel so tired. yes, absolutely tired. i even had no energy to cook my self a decent breakfast. i raided our refrigerator and all i saw were leftovers. the spaghetti caught my attention and remembered that i was the one who cooked it last night. yes, cold spaghetti had to be a perfect breakfast. and i don't have the energy to heat it in the microwave either so i just went straight to the kitchen counter. as i was masticating my red refrigerated pasta, i just cannot stop remembering what a relative of one of our patients told me. she knows how to use tarot cards so she had this free session with us.

she said i have a mission in this world. like i can be a faith healer or mind reader or something. riggggghhhht. maybe i'm like peter petrelli or spiderman or buttercup. i'm in doubt of course. i have 10% belief on what she said but the other 90% is still in what-the-hell state.

but imagine that, right? i wonder how it feels to be one. maybe you have this great responsibility, as spiderman says. i will have to design my costume too, i say. but i would never be the popular hero, though. i'd be the friendly mysterious hero. like bob ong's kapitan sino. and hey, i need side kicks. one who can do all kinds of kicks and punches. ha-ha- ha! riggghhhhttt. it is so funny.

would you believe that this hero thing is actually on my mind the whole day? damn, cold spaghetti has bad side effects. don't ever try it. yeah, true.

recovered

we did CPR, we administered the meds, we did our best but she died. her husband was crying and saying words of goodbye and i can't help but to cry too so i left the room.

i still remember my grandfather. this is the reason why i haven't blogged ever since he left. i just cannot write anything. i still feel pain and it seems that i cannot tell stories about happy things. now i know how to lose someone. i remember that i was one of the strongest in our duty group. i don't cry when a patient dies. but now it is different. when i see a patient struggle i become deeply saddened. and yesterday, when we lost the lady even after all we did to revive her, i almost broke down. i now feel what a person feels when someone you love goes back to the arms of God.

but when i woke up this morning, i had a different feeling. my grandpop is on my mind. while i was doing the household chores i remember him and the things he usually tells us. my lolo knows me as a happy and jolly person and he always tells me back then that i should always smile. so because of that... i think i should be back to my old, happy self. he will get angry for sure if he sees me still sad and hurt.

i know, we will all die. and i will see him again soon, that's for sure. he wants me to be happy, i just feel it. i mean, not happy because he is gone but happy because he is now at peace.

so here i am, proudly saying that i am A- okay again. i'm back to my old crappy self. yipee :)